jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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