I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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