Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
