I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize