Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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