Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
