Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
