If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
