just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
