i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
