it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
