The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize