She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my liver is dry heaving
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
