dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
