1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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