Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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