I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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