I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
