New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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