Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
