I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Im part way to drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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