I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
