the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
