I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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