I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
