Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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