I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
