well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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