At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
