you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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