He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize