Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
