Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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