We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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