i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
