it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
