I'm pants shitting drunk right now
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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