I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
