I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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