My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
