So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
