I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize