I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They have beer where we have blood.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
