Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
