i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
