Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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