I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
