Someone shit on the floor
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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