I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
