weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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