Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
