saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
