i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
