john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
