Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
