all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
