I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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