Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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