i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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