I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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