Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize