Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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