Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
