I'm so fucking centered right now
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Every concussion has its silver lining
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
