It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize