I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
