I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
