Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
