"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
