Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
