five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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