if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
