so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
