He uses pillows to masturbate.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
