wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
