i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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