Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
