Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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