she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
