Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize